This is one of those bands that just whips the hippopotamus' ass with a belt.  They have about fourteen people on stage who constantly run around switching places.  Tuba, three trombones, bass and alto saxaphones, a trumpet, guitar, two drummers without shirts, slide whistle, theramin.

Here's what you need to do:
1. get rich
2. get married
3. invite Les Touffes Kretiennes to play at your wedding so that
4. you can give them lots of money

Alright enough of that, words fail me.  Here are their thoughts on matters of critical importance.  I'll put their links first so you can get some audio happening.  Would I leave my dear reader in the dark and lonely silence?  How now!

17. What are your other projects?

Ouiches Lorenes

Les Fils de Teuhpu

Les Hurlements d'Leo

Les Chevals

Jungle Juice

Metallica (not kidding but keep it down)

AC/DC (now I think they're kidding)

18. Where can we contact you?

myspace.com/lestouffeskretiennes

13. Where does fear of the unknown come from?
it comes from behind you
from peoples' need to be secure
from the need to say what is the distance to things
from falling down into a black hole
from physically being "in the shit"

14. Are human beings a science experiment made by aliens?
yes for sure, from dolphins
If God does not exist, then it's possible.
Mosquitos make a great plan to raise humans and watch them and suck them. But we like to be sucked so it's great.

11.  If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
beef bourgignon
rougaille sausage with spicy sauce, rice and beans..  it comes from a volcanic island in the Indian Ocean near Mauritius

9. What music are you listening to these days?
Guns N Roses
Maison des Gens Clandestino
Frank Zappa
the Clash
Elvis
Mandrin

10. What's the tallest thing you ever jumped off of?
88 meters
a bridge in Bosnia on L'Adrina
from an apartment of three stories
from my bed
in French, "jump" means to have sex!!!  (sauter)

7. Where are you going?
Brno

5. If you could be an animal, what would you be?
cat
a fish
a bear
a lamb
a bonabo monkey from Africa who fucks all day long
What is the difference between a woman and a crocodile?  After it eats you a crocodile goes to sleep and don't criticise

6. Where do you come from?
La Burgundy
le 49 - district
le 93

3. What was the sexiest war?
1817
La Guerre de Feu (a film)

2. What music were your parents listening to when they made you?
Beethoven
Andres Matois
no music
the Beatles
Franc Michel

31.  Do you dream in color?
yes

32. Who's your favorite MC?
Busta Rhymes
Redman
Ol' Dirty Bastard

29. What did you eat for lunch?
gulash

30. Do you have any questions for me?
What are you doing in Prague? (writing this interview)

27. God? Yes or No.
no
god no, dog yes
c'est possible
the god, you choose everything

28. What is the purpose of life on earth?
to meet people and eat them
listen to jazz
eat spaghetti
pissing on bastards
fun
sex

25. What's the most lunatic thing you ever ate in your life?
macaroon with liver of fish
oil
a triangle sandwich from a plastic box on the highway, all the same taste

23. What do you see when you close your eyes?
the future
color lines
stupid things
breast of the woman I love
breast of the woman he loves

24. What's on the back side of the moon?
teknival techno party
la nuit (night)
the asshole of the moon

27. Which one of you is the best cook?
Conik (sax player)
Poumtchak
steak a la lyonaiise, onions and sugar carmelized together with some wine and the fat of the steak

19. Do you have a helicopter?
No. We had one but I was drunk and I broke it

20. Do you have regular jobs?
music is everything
90% road travel
sleeping
construct kitchens

15. Do you mind if we ask you a few questions?
yes
I think so
maybe
why not
perhaps?

Here are some links to video clips from the show. The mic on my camera got all blown out because it was so loud, but you'll get the vibe at least.

Les Touffes Kretiennes 

the audience

Some of our questions were prepared in advance, some improvised.  

Maybe it was because the band was eating as I interviewed them, but.. 

they sure talk about food a lot.  And sex.

Now I'm hungry.  Thank god it's taco thursday...

Photo credits for the three good pictures go to David Huitric