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Silver Lining with John Caulkins

The Last Picture Show

Silver Lining with John Caulkins
By John Caulkins
Tue 9th Jul, 2002 [updated Thu 6th Oct, 2005]
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Do you ever feel like you’re being swindled? I know I do, and folks, like it or not, this is swindle (švindl in Czech) season in Prague and a sucker is born every minute. Sometimes more. The pickpocket is craftily working the crowd on the hour every hour at the Astronomical Clock. The head waiter with the big, fat wallet and funny math is collecting your chump change because you thought the pretzels were free. And, sorry, but the Black Light Torture theaters do not offer refunds. Buh-bye. As Mars Blackmon (a.k.a. Spike Lee) once said, “I may have been born yesterday, but I stayed up all night.”

The Death of Mostecká

It’s a lonesome Sunday night in Malá strana. Warm. Sandals slap on the Silver Line plaques. The mega-buses have packed up and headed home. Six off-duty nuns parade by, each savoring a Magnum ice cream bar. The garbage men loll on the sidewalk next to the first cans of trash, waiting for the truck to show up. They’re in no hurry, only me, I’m late for the late show at the 64 U Hradeb cinema. I haven’t been to the movies in a long time, and I’m thrilled to be on my way.

I leap up the steps and rush in. But no, no. No, it seems there will be no movie tonight. My heart sinks. Please, say it ain’t so. They closed down the picture show and a stinking Black Light mystery theater has taken its place. I mope, I begin to sob softly, I blow hard into my handkerchief. But then I straighten up and regain composure. Sure, I reminded myself, I’d seen more than a few crap movies in this dingy, ’60s-era theater with the permanently grimed linoleum.

I decided to take inventory of this little street called Mostecká, or “bridge” street. What a disaster. In a mere 200 meters there are 6 change shops, 9 crystal shops, a strip bar and a couple souvenir shops (one that was once a pretty good bookstore). There’s one good music shop, a potraviny here and there, a new wax museum. To je hruza as they say around here and then spit. McDonald’s. Welcome to the Silver Line.

I amble my way to Josefská, which bisects the street, and comfort myself by watching the little wisps of green grass growing between the cobblestones. Change. I know in my heart that change is inevitable. Damn tourists. Damn t-shirt vendors. Damn Change. Still, it’s nice to look up and see the great St. Nicholas Church dome and clock tower in all its splendor. It’s warm and, at this hour, the Charles Bridge never fails to put the ages into perspective.

Who knows? I’d bet there were just as many hustlers, swindlers and fast-buck artists right here a couple hundred years ago. Foreigners coming and going, pissed-off locals and a guy just like the Jolly Joker Tonda parked at the end of the bridge. That’s him on the city map attached to our cover. You know him, he’s Prague. “Picture, picture,” the self-portraits starting at 300 crowns, 30 crowns for a photo of the devil himself. He’s one lovable wacko who carries the torch for all of the independent-minded creators who ever strolled these cobblestoned streets. He sells this town better than the Silver Line gangsters and Change operators ever could. Go buy one of his pictures and make him smile. I think he takes Euros.

—John Caulkins has air conditioning at john@pill.cz
Article added on Tue 9th Jul, 2002 [last updated Thu 6th Oct, 2005]

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