The 72 virgins question
As I understand it, those who die as martyrs for the great mad cause of the Believers go immediately to Paradise, there to gawp at the angels and the fine plumage of the birds and eat delicious foods, and there for eternity they will have the tender and erotic attentions of 72 virgins. What I’ve not been able to discover is who originated this balmy theory, now resident in the minds of so many testosterone-and-fundamentalism stuffed young Muslim men. For them, this is the reward for flying aeroplanes into tall buildings, and slaughtering thousands at their work stations.
I have a few questions, however:
How was the figure of 72 arrived at? Why 72? Does 72 hold any particular significance, like Douglas Adams’ 42, the answer to everything?
Given the recent sudden influx of martyrs into Paradise, is the supply of virgins sufficient to the purpose.? Is there, in Paradise, an infinite supply of virgins?
Given the length of eternity, how, or how long, do they remain virgins?
Given the length of eternity, I would think even 72 virgins would get tedious. Are they all dropdead gorgeous? Do they grow old, or, if they stay forever young, what would there be to talk about after the event? How long before the martyrs start straying, coveting their neighbours’ women? And think of the bickering and scheming going on all around.
I am setting out these questions in the interest of pure research, and welcome any contributions to this debate.
For the moment, a final question. I read in today’s (10.10.01) press a report that not all of the 19 hijackers knew they were going to die, and only 6 left letters behind them, so far as the investigators have discovered so far. The others just thought they were going on a jolly hijacking spree, and weren’t in the full loop.
So: If the martyr doesn’t know he’s about to die, is he eligible for the same rewards as the one who does?
Ken Smith
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Chi Chi Tornado
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[anonymous]
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Sat Oct 13th 23:27 2001 / #1 |
Personnaly I find the threat of being
serviced by so many virgins a bit much, even
for the 9th plain of hell. I mean having
spent several years cleaning the blinds in
an aboreal Harem I did come into contact
with quite a few virgins. What struck me
most about them was their propensity towards
giggling whenever I turned my back. Their
shrew-like cackling gave me tiny spider
hairs across my neck that made me think, no,
made me KNOW that they were mocking me. But
why? What had I done to warrant such
mockery? I tried to approach them and ask,
but alas their little limber legs and gentle
feet were far to quick for me, I could never
catch them. All day I would chase to get a
look at these little Terror Nymphs of
pleasure only to be thwarted at every
branch. When I was exhausted and laid on my
leafey pillows at night, I would try to
rationalize what I might have done to cause
this misfortune. As I slept I would dream
that I was the king of the Harem and that
these women belonged to me and I would make
them descend upon me as obeyers of my
demands. but oh no, not these little
tricksters no they would tear at me and rip
at me and steal my manhood and toss it
around like a toy stuffed slug and they
would hide me from me, my essence from my
conscience, and it would be then at the
height of my nightmare that I realised that
I had made a serious mistake when I martyred
myself, and now I will be mocked for
eternity by 72 cock hungry beasts.
The moral of this story is don't be a
martyr:submitted by little Timy Born again
Martyr |
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Eva
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[anonymous]
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Mon Jun 3rd 02:59 2002 / #2 |
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Speaking as a virgin myself, I have to say I find the whole idea very distasteful. Does that mean if I die a virgin I will be forced to service these idiots for eternity? One man gets 72 virgins as their reward while 72 women get the punishment of screwing the same small minded, small penis idiot that we avoided when we were alive. |
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Timmy
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[anonymous]
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Fri Jul 15th 11:32 2005 / #3 |
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...uh....does anyone know if martyrs will be supplied with Viagra, Lavitra...etc?....is it posssible to test out a couple of the virgins while here on earth?...and finally...is directing a lil bit of girl-on-girl action a no-no? Thanks |
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Timmy again
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[anonymous]
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Fri Jul 15th 11:35 2005 / #4 |
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Hi Eva...do you come here often? |
Micah
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[profile]
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Fri Jul 15th 12:05 2005 / #5 |
There is nothing in the Koran about 72, but one would figure that 72 virgins would remain virgins for about... Damn, that's a hard one. No pun intended.
To me, these lines read as hyperbole. Go figure, it being a religious text... It also seems like the suicides get a bunch of whores, not virgins. Eva, you probably will want to do something about that situation real quick - no sense waiting til you're dead to figure out the answer...
Three different translations of the suspect passage of the Koran.
http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/quran/078.qmt.html
078.031
YUSUFALI: Verily for the Righteous there will be a fulfilment of (the heart's) desires;
PICKTHAL: Lo! for the duteous is achievement -
SHAKIR: Surely for those who guard (against evil) is achievement,
078.032
YUSUFALI: Gardens enclosed, and grapevines;
PICKTHAL: Gardens enclosed and vineyards,
SHAKIR: Gardens and vineyards,
078.033
YUSUFALI: And voluptuous women of equal age;
PICKTHAL: And voluptuous women of equal age;
SHAKIR: And voluptuous women of equal age;
078.034
YUSUFALI: And a cup full (to the brim).
PICKTHAL: And a full cup.
SHAKIR: And a pure cup.
More:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/011214.html
Nothing in the Koran specifically states that the faithful are allotted 72 virgins apiece. For this elaboration we turn to the hadith, traditional sayings traced with varying degrees of credibility to Muhammad. Hadith number 2,562 in the collection known as the Sunan al-Tirmidhi says, "The least [reward] for the people of Heaven is 80,000 servants and 72 wives, over which stands a dome of pearls, aquamarine and ruby."
A little hype from the marketing department, you may say. Fine. Let's return to the Koran, Islam's font of religious authority. Even if we leave out the racy detail and make allowances for metaphor, we're obliged to admit that Islamic heaven is a pretty rockin' place, with an emphasis on sensual pleasures. The provision of virgins in indeterminate quantities is alluded to at numerous points, and you know they're not just there to fluff the pillows. (In fairness to the Prophet, the physical quality usually attributed to the houris, as they're called, is "wide lovely eyes.") The food, service, ambience., etc, are great. You're allowed to enjoy things the Koran explicitly denies you on earth, such as alcohol, and you won't even get sick. ("Wine . . . delicious to those who drink it . . . will neither dull their senses nor they will become drunk.") Granted, the whole thing is skewed toward the male idea of a good time, a defect by no means confined to Islam. Were Muhammad to found a religion today, I'm confident that each female arrival in heaven would be assigned a comely stud who would provide fabulous sex and in addition hang the curtain rods the first time he was asked. Granted, also, the emphasis on virgins is a little weird. (Think back on the first nights you've been party to. Was this your idea of great sex?) Still, you have to admit, heaven as Party Central sure beats the Christian idea of angels with harps. |
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[ anonymous ]
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[anonymous]
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Fri Jul 15th 18:06 2005 / #6 |
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It's like the whole Lilith thing (i.e., not in the Bible at all). There is a great deal of legend built up in every major religion in the world that has been invented in subsequent centuries, after the "holy book" was written. This just may well be a case of something like that. |
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skin
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[profile]
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Sat Jul 16th 07:13 2005 / #7 |
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Now there are female suicide bombers they seem to of been a bit short changed. |
todd
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[profile]
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Sat Jul 16th 08:37 2005 / #8 |
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Lesbians for sure, or maybe they get virgin boys? Does it specify whether the virgins are men or women? |
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skin
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[profile]
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Sat Jul 16th 08:41 2005 / #9 |
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For the muslim men they'd hope for boys. Women I don't know |
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