Night Tram - Night Clubs
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Back in the real world, K5 Relax Club on Namesti Miru is probably one of the most
reputable clubs in the city. They boast a 40% rate of repeat customers and claim
that “Every Customer is King.” I’m frisked at the door with laser accoutrements
anyway. The standard preliminary tour gets me a peek in the bar. The place is
packed – a pole-dance striptease rises amid a bevy of beauties, the majority of
whom are dressed in trash black ensembles accented with lingerie. The customers
from Great Britain and the rest of Europe tend to hang out in teams, while Americans
almost invariably come alone. The guys are having a hoot and I can’t really blame
them; we are surrounded by some of the best-looking girls in town vying for our
attention, and most of them can dance. The girls do not approach unless invited,
but then they’re snuggling up quick, looking for what’s called “chemistry” (an
industry term). Touching is, of course, okay. Rubbing is another story. Nobody
is squeezing. This is standard protocol in every club in town.
Upstairs, select a room from the following themes: 1001 Nights, 19th-century Rococo,
the Cave Room (including the cave bathroom with jacuzzi), the Knight’s Room (complete
with stools for kneeling at the foot of the throne), and so on. The Old Rome room
record stands at six girls with four guys in one colossal bed. The Cosmic Room
sports three lighting choices, tiny star lights from floor to ceiling and a television
inside an aluminum replica of the Apollo spaceship. The 500 Kč entrance fee includes
a shower, a lock-up for your valuables, and a Velcro register chip for the bill
later. Only one man in four years has ever tried to get out without paying. The
club called the police and the guy probably ended up paying twice the cops what
he owed for the bill. I figure the girls probably take home half of the hourly
rate of 2,400 Kč. Two girls costs twice that, and there’s no lesbian discount.
The State takes 22%. The Health Department inspects often, so the place is super-hygenic.
Down in the pit of Nusle, in Prague 4 , nightclub Escade (no typo) sucks, and
so does Velvet. Okay, so there are ten or 12 women parading onstage with that
deer-in-the-headlights look, saying “pick me, pick me, I need it as much as you
do.” But the girls are mostly foul and it’s 1000 Kč to get in. The taxis make
maximum commission and the drinks are weak. I witnessed two guys getting led around
by their dicks, paying dearly for it, and being super polite in the meantime,
as if their hosts are doing them this tremendous favor. I can imagine these guys
upstairs doing all they can to please the girls they’re paying for. Still, 500
Kč for the taxis and 1,000 Kč just to see what’s around?
In the center, off Wencesclas Square: Empire, Nancy, Cabaret, Atlas, and the Moulin
Club. Dress code at these places is more adventurous: leopard outfits with headress,
tight bikini lingerie or maybe a push-up bra and panties. Empire has a host of
girls with super bodies dancing on the bar and around the pole who are then available
for conversation and intimacies. 2,500 Kč standard half-hour rate.
Across the square, Moulin Club features some of the most outrageous cabaret shows
in town. Every 15 minutes or so during peak hours the house offers a different
theme dance. The Can-Can show is good fun, the stripper from Thailand swallowing
a flaming sword is a real crowd-pleaser, and Joe and Josephine the Human Puppet
Show has a great surprise ending. The 200 Kč entrance fee is a comparative bargain,
and the drink prices are standard for the industry: nothing under 100 Kč. Moulin,
as with most nightclubs here, features the ever-popular table dance and lesbian
dance, both out in the main room or in private. A tabletop dance for your party’s
pleasure is 1,000 Kč, 1,500 Kč for private, and 2,000 Kč for the lesbian dance.
Sex is standard at 2,400 Kč per half hour and 4,500 Kč for one hour, and everyone
here looks like they’re having a good fucking time.
Carioco just opened at the bottom of the hill in the old Deluxe space. An interesting
item on the menu is “contact strip,” which means you can touch the stripper. However,
if you touch yourself, you’re out of there before you can zip up your fly. The
streetwalkers around the corner are banking on your frustration.
Still, all the one-handers out there need not fear: Captain Nemo, down the street
in the center of Old Town, has the opposite policy concerning private dancing.
The interior was obviously designed at great expense in the style of a submarine.
Worth the entrance fee of 200 Kč just for the atmosphere. A bottle of Pilsner
is 185 Kč. Pole dances abound, and the menu features Aqua-lesbi private dance
for three or four songs at 4,000 Kč. “Get undressed by a girl” for 1500 Kč or
buy a Tequila Navel Shot for 1,000 Kč.
Riding the most reliable girl in town (the #9 tram), the Lipanska stop in Zizkov
will land you close by to three well-established spots: Banana Club, featuring
some unusual acts and atmospheres all their own, Night Club Dolly and Extacy.
Depending on the night, I suppose the selection is good enough for your average
John with prices a bit lower than in the center. But, of course, the bill runs
up before you know it. The big downside, as with most of these places, is sharing
the shopping space with all those other guys who feel just as special as you do.
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The Genesis guitarist will front his own band with a new album but promises classic hits
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